As you may have guessed from previous posts, I have a heart for spiritually single women. I am one! And yet, there is hope for us spiritually single ladies. We can live spiritually productive lives in spite of our spiritually single circumstances, if we’re willing to allow God to work in and through us. My prayer is that these posts about Biblical spiritually single women, will give us some guidelines for living fully and abundantly in the place where God has allowed us to be.

Today we’ll look at Abigail’s story and search the scriptures for the message of HOPE that she has for us who are unequally yoked. Those spiritually single women who are not married can learn some lessons about avoiding a marriage that will perpetuate spiritually singleness.

Abigail’s story begins in 1 Samuel 25. She’s the wife of a wealthy, but “surly and mean” man. Her husband, Nabal, treats David and his men with contempt, refusing to compensate them for services rendered. His selfish behavior when David requests provisions for his men is an embarrassment to Abigail when she hears about the incident from her servants. So, she rushes to repair the damage and avert the revenge. And eventually she ends up married to the King! Quite a story, eh?!

In reading her story, several questions arise about her situation. Some of these same questions probably enter the minds of folks when they encounter spiritually single ladies today. For example, how did Abigail end up in such a terrible marriage? Well, obviously in that time and culture, women were given in marriage for a number of reasons, and probably none of those reasons had anything to do with the bride’s feelings for the groom or her wishes regarding a marriage partner. No doubt Abigail didn’t have any say in the choice of her husband.

But what about today? Why do so many women find themselves in unequally-yoked relationships? In my case, my groom was charming, handsome, loving, and I entered our marriage with my eyes wide open, EXCEPT for the fact that he and I did not share the same commitment to spiritual matters. He was, and is, a GOOD man. And many spiritually single ladies are in relationships with good men. But without that mutual love of Jesus, and commitment to His Kingdom, the unequally-yoked relationship can’t grow and mature.

Among the lessons to be learned from Abigail:
Unequal yokes do not promote true and lasting happiness.

Then there’s the question about Abigail loading up all those donkeys with food and supplies to take to David and his men to assuage him and hopefully prevent a tragedy back home. Should a spiritually single wife use her husband’s resources for her own good deeds? As a young wife years ago, I was convicted of our responsibility to tithe. However, my husband, a non-believer at the time, had no sense of obligation toward the church or God as far as “his” money was concerned. So, since I was the one controlling the purse strings at the time, I took it upon myself to tithe my husband’s income. After one or two checks, I was more convicted to “obey” my husband than to tithe out of a sense of duty. Since then, I have tithed my own income, and left my husband to God’s conviction!

But, back to Abigail – how did she justify her actions in taking all those supplies to David? Her husband, Nabal, was evil and “churlish”, but he was her husband. And in her loyalty to her husband, and her obvious concern for their family and community, she took a risk with her husband’s resources in order to save lives. Abigail was a strong and brave lady!

There are a couple of lessons here for us:
In spite of our circumstances we must remain strong in our convictions
when they are founded in truth,
and we must be brave enough to act if the situation requires it.

Moving on we see Abigail approaching David with humility, courage, and resolve. She would do whatever was necessary to save her family from destruction. And I’ll bet she realized that Nabal’s horrible behavior toward David earlier had justified the pending doom! But she reached out in an effort to dissuade David from taking revenge. As spiritually single ladies we often see our men say and do things that embarrass us and cause us to cringe. But as loving wives we try to fix and repair the damage that may result from those thoughtless words and actions. I daresay most of us don’t have to dissuade an army from wiping out our family, but we probably find ourselves making amends for unintended hurts.

Despite our spiritually single status we are valuable and can lead productive lives, serving and preserving those we love. We can be faithful and loving toward our husbands, and still remain faithful to God, using His provisions for us for service and ministry, both within our family and our community.

One writer pointed out that Abigail did several things right,
but she also did some wrong things for the right reasons.

It was right for her to:
• Spring into action as soon as she became aware of the emergency.
• Assume the blame for her husband’s behavior, knowing that her punishment would be lighter, and therefore she could save her family from greater punishment.
• Speak and act with humility.
• Suggest an alternative action that could lead to a more positive outcome.
• Seek forgiveness for her husband’s insults.
• Compliment David on his character and remind him of God’s promise for his future.
• Encourage David to allow God to settle things with Nabal.

This writer also pointed out some things that Abigail did wrong, although, I believe, for the right reason:
• She acted without her husband’s approval or permission to “spend” his resources.
• She criticized her husband to David.
• She may have suggested that that David take revenge on Nabal since he alone was guilty and needed “correction” but not the rest of the family.
• She encouraged David’s future consideration of her. (Imagine her batting her eyelashes and implying “Do this for me, and maybe I’ll do something for you.”)
• She was not submissive or respectful to her husband, although she was both toward David.
Although these actions may have been “wrong” they were no doubt justified because of the life-or-death circumstances she faced.

As spiritually single, we may find ourselves drawn to someone who seems more “spiritual” than our unbelieving husband. But, like Abigail we must be humble but strong in our resolve to remain faithful to our husband, trusting that God will protect us and use us to draw our husband to Himself. However, I do not believe that God expects any spiritually single woman to remain in an abusive relationship. But escaping from an abusive husband is not justification to become involved in a relationship that is dishonoring to God.

Our spiritually single stories may not resolve like Abigail’s. Her horrible husband was stricken and died, and then she married King-elect David. Her story is a message of HOPE for us! The resolution of your story may be that God will transform your husband into His follower, and your Prince Charming!

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 1 Peter 3:1-2

Put yourself in Abigail’s sandals … How would you have reacted to Nabal’s foolishness?