I headed to the office dreading the meeting. I hate confrontation, and this meeting with a co-worker had all the signs of conflict. I hate conflict, too, and I usually avoid the big “C’s” at all costs – give ‘em what they want, no matter whether they deserve it or whether I can afford it; take the blame, pay the price, whatever it takes to make the conflict or confrontation go away. That’s my MO ….

But this co-worker was “calling us out.” We (the boss, the bookkeeper, and the co-worker) needed to discuss the miscommunication of the past week and deal with the resulting effects. So I drove to the meeting with a sense of foreboding that made me sick to my stomach. Did I mention that I hate conflict and confrontation?

As we waited for our co-worker to arrive, the sense of dread grew and so did my queasy stomach. At the sound of the opening door, I thought about throwing up in the trash can next to my desk, but didn’t have time to recover gracefully. So, instead, I stood up and walked to the door with what was probably a poor excuse of a smile plastered on my face.

I was taken aback when she greeted us with a genuine smile and hugs!! Warily, I sat down next to her waiting for the other shoe to drop, as we exchanged a couple of chit-chatty comments. Then, without further ado, she attacked the elephant in the room! She quickly and kindly pointed out that she asked to meet to discuss the issue so we could diffuse what could quickly and easily become bitterness between us unless we all understood each other’s motivations and feelings.

Her openness and honesty, tempered with grace and kindness, gave way to a discussion about the situation that allowed us to analyze, criticize, and correct the miscommunication before our imaginations led us to skew it into something more than it actually was. She stated her case, and then listened objectively as we explained our position. No accusations, no blame-tossing, no finger-pointing … just listening with an open attitude. It was obvious that she sincerely wanted to understand the situation from our perspective. And she wanted to do her part to insure our relationship was not marred by the miscommunication or the meeting.

The meeting that I had dreaded so intensely, had turned into a lesson in HOPE. Our co-worker, probably unbeknownst to her, taught me a beautiful lesson in conflict resolution, laced with HOPE that relationships can withstand conflict if approached with grace, mercy, and love.

Here are four lessons I learned from this co-worker about conflict resolution:

1. Confront the issue with courage. My usual tactic of avoiding conflict at all costs was cowardly. She showed me that facing the issue with courage and conviction resulted in a peaceful resolution and instilled hope and joy in the hearts of those involved.

2. Attack the issue (the elephant in the room) not the individual. She wasted no time beating around the bush or tip-toeing around the issue. She stated the obvious and then proceeded to dissect the issue to determine the cause of the conflict – miscommunication, not malice! We talked about WHAT caused the problem, not WHO caused it!

3. Address the issue with love and compassion. She greeted us with a genuine smile and sincere hugs. She had prepared herself for the meeting with prayer and confronted us with kindness. Her attitude of peace and obvious desire for reconciliation, and her willingness to offer a compromise while holding fast to her convictions, helped us to progress through the meeting with hope for a peaceful and mutually satisfactory resolution.

4. Resolve the rift to restore the relationship. We all tend to confront issues with selfish motives: to make sure we’re treated fairly, to preserve our rights, to insure we get our fair share. But real resolution should focus on restoring the relationship. And that’s what she showed us in the meeting. She stated from the beginning that she requested the meeting so bitterness over the miscommunication would not result in a broken relationship. There is no better reason to confront conflict than restoration of relationships!

We ended the meeting holding hands as we prayed together … her prayer that God would bless our friendship, our business, and our lives together, gave me HOPE that conflicts can be resolved, relationships restored, and we can enjoy a renewed and shared passion for our mutual endeavors in the days ahead.

I still hate conflict and confrontation! But these lessons learned will help me view future confrontations with courage, through the lens of HOPE!

How do you feel about conflict? Have you been blessed by a similar confrontation?